Being a homeschool mommy has its dazzling ups and it’s dark and tiresome lows. Now reading that may seem like the lows are when I’m out of mind, screaming at my kids and stressing about what to make for dinner or, feeling like I’ve made the worst choice in home education and damaging my children. Yes, these thoughts cross my mind once in a while and I do have several of the “banshee” moments, but those are not the dark lows I’m talking about. Today I realized that they type of low I think is so dark and hard to deal with, is when my husband has been a darling and taken the kids away so that I can rest and I lay there in my pajamas wondering if my kids have had enough to eat or if they’re safe and alive. I say this is a dark low moment for me because even though I’ve been given the opportunity to rest, I can’t because I’m stuck in the consuming world of being a mom. How come I can’t take advantage of the beautiful freedom to rest and revitalize without purging the urge to do mommy stuff that I know my hubby is more than capable of handling? Why can’t I be a healthy kind of selfish just for 6 hours? Once I know the answer, I will write it down. But for now- I am grateful for a husband that does that for me and selflessly gives me the space to charge up and learn to actually choose to be selfish for my sanity sake.