Posted in Being the wife, Timothy

When your hubby has your back

Ok, So I have a husband that travels. He doesn’t travel a lot because we’ve agreed as a couple, that this is not the season as yet for our family. The kids need their Dad around and especially the girls as there’s a whole biological reason for that. (I’ll write about that another day) Anyway, we’ve agreed that it’s best he do 2-3 ministry trips a year and of those trips, one of them can be no longer than 10 days long (being the longest of the trips) – or else the wheels come off at home and it gets harder for him to transition into being Dad at home (which is also another write up for another day – shoo, I have a lot to write) If he does more – we go with him.

So the pending trip is to Pretoria and then to Kenya for ministry stuff – a 6 day trip. It’s great because he gets all charged up and expands his network for what he does and gets to help so many more churches and people discover what their unique sounds are and how powerful they are for their immediate communities.

What I’m wanting to share is the build up leading to when he leaves. It’s actually quite scary how my sub conscience will start clicking into survival mode and I become a little more impatient with the kids and routines have to work really well or I know that if they’re loose – how will I cope without him? right? which is hilarious because I do a lot of the daily routine without him anyway, but it’s a comfort that I know he’s leaving and in order to cope I need to make like he’s not there and get on with it.

Anyway, because we’ve done this a few times before, I think my hubby has caught on. I say this because at the beginning of this week he sat me down and said we needed to talk. Shoo – guys – when Tim Feder tells you you need a talking to and you’re his wife, then brace yourself people for something serious. Well, this is what I tell myself every time in case it’s something I need to be strong for.

So, head and heart braced and ready – I wait for the rebuke or character building talk that’s coming. Well, to my surprise, he says to me, “Shavs, I’m leaving next week and I think that before I go you need time away from the kids or else you’re going to lose it. So on Saturday evening I’m going to leave you at your moms place and I will take the kids and you can have a good sleep and rest and we’ll see you at lunch time on Sunday”

I think my jaw dropped and I was like, “Come again? you want me to what?” and he explained himself and expressed the need for me to take a break and just rest before I’m going to be alone whilst he’s gone.

So to cut a long story short. Here I sit alone in my room at my moms house – no kids – no hubby – no alarm clock set for the morning, no bottles to get ready, no nappy to change. Just me and my pillow and a night of no nagging, no one to need me until tomorrow lunch time. (mommy guilt trying to creep in – I’m grateful people and wouldn’t change it for the world – but I’m honestly loving the silence)

There are many things that I love about my husband, and one of those things is that he has intuition for the main things that I need. Now, he isn’t perfect and he knows that – neither am I (how boring would that be) we aren’t in Romeo and Juliet mode all the time but when you have a partner in life that has your back even in the little things like rest – I’d say that’s the blessing you count and take.

I also know that when he’s away, I can freely support him and be a better mom to our kids because he loved me enough to give me a break. It’s not the first time he’s done this for me and I know it won’t be the last because we’re a team and when one team member is weak – the other lets them take a break and picks them right back up again when it’s time to get back in the game.


I'm a woman finding my way through life as the wife of Tim, the mom to 3 growing kids and trying to maintain some sort of self through it all. I hope you enjoy reading how I journey with my troops through this thing we call life.

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