It’s honestly one of the worst parts of my everyday life – battling in my mind about what I have and what other people have. The whole contentment thing. Now, wait – Please know that I am completely happy with where we’re at in life and I know the vision we have as a family and what God’s called us to do and be to each other and those around us. But I’m still human and walking one step at a time.
I’ve found it amazing how something as simple as a ‘lifestyle’ or a ‘menu’ or ‘clothes’ and so on – can get into my head and be the thing I’m chatting to Jesus about (many times I get caught off guard by it). The trap of comparison is such a slippery one because I love celebrating the lives around me and where every one is at and what they’re doing, but it’s so easy to slightly slip into, “ugh, I wish I could be doing that…” or “I wish our dream was closer”. All the while forgetting (in that moment) how far we’ve come and what we do have and have learned.
That ugly part of me that just wants more, that is constantly biting at the bit to be the best, has had to deal with so many “humbling experiences” over the years (trust me they’ve been hard as heck). I’ve learnt so many valuable and character building lessons from them that have helped me to identify and retreat immediately, in that moment when I know that “competitive bug” wants to burst out and run around wildly.
SO, why write about it? I honestly don’t know. I just think that I have to always remind myself that just because I’ve had a trauma free life that I am NOT better than anyone else, I am NOT better off OR any less than anyone else because I don’t have the ‘life experience’. I am grounded and standing on the same soil as everyone else, and we are equal. Here’s my list of some of my everyday land mines.
a) When we have money, I think I’m ‘alright’ compared to most and when we don’t have a lot I battle with contentment against what others have….
b) I can always eat what I want – I have no eating issues, so does that make me better than those that have a battle with it?
c) There are days when I love my hair and days when I can’t stand it – theirs always looks so amazing…..
d) They know so much more than I do, am I an old-loser-soccer mom or should I just learn more?
e) My marriage is amazing, but is it really? look at theirs and what they’re doing……
I’m female, so this list chops and changes all day, every day but I do know that it isn’t just a girl thing, even though it’s written from a ‘girl’ perspective. I guess I’m trying to say is that why should I hide how ‘human’ I can be sometimes even though I am still happy with where my life is at. Let me know what yours are and let’s learn from each other.