Posted in Family memories

Feder Catch Up – it’s been a while

Hello again!! I know it’s been like, for-ages since I’ve been on this lovely little window into our lives. All I can say is that since I was wrote about how I was feeling, it’s been a ridiculous journey leading up to me actually sitting here and writing something down. I was finally able to identify why I was feeling the way I was feeling, but what’s unfortunate for you – still – is that in order to maintain my code of honor to the parties concerned……. I can’t be as direct as I normally am about the road up until now. (doesn’t that just make you itch to know what’s been happening…….. well SHAME! Hahahaha – you’re just going to have to wait)

Anyway, Let me do a little update on where we’re at and then you will hopefully see us a little more on this little platform going forward.

Well, this guy has just recently got back from Brazil and if you follow him on Facebook, you would have had a peek into what he got up to. He really enjoyed the culture and the common traits they have with us as South Africans. (I say this as a born and bred Zimbo who’s lived here for half her life…… ok) He was slightly culture shocked at the poverty because he’s only ever known South African and African poverty. Apparently India is the hectic one to experience. Rather him than me frankly….. I would probably muscle it through – but it wouldn’t be easy.

What we both found interesting about this trip, was that, even though it was only 7 days – it felt really long and tough to wade through. He was slammed with jet lag. I was in limbo because both my hubby and my parents left in the same week – it was odd. He reckons that switching to a time zone 12 hours ahead or behind is waaaaaay easier than switching to a shorter 3-5 hour one.

I also found it interesting that the kids weren’t too phased about him being away. Our Easter weekend was abnormal and awkward because we didn’t do our traditional “stuff” on that weekend. We did everything the weekend before because it wouldn’t have been the same on our own. Anyway, I digress.

He’s as busy, as busy can be – which is good for business and us as a family. We’re now starting to navigate how do we ‘structure in’ more travelling on his part? – because it’s going to happen and also which trips do we take the kids on? Which ones do I go on? The game is starting to slowly change and we’re having to shift our perspective with the same goals in sight.

Ok, enough about him, let’s move on.

Ahhhh, 10 years old is such a precious age. Let me just say that guys! Hormones are real, they aren’t scary – but boy oh boy are they unpredictable. I’m trying to understand my child – while trying to help her understand herself. How, in the name of all that is lovely, does one navigate this journey without
1. Shouting all of the time,
2. Getting frustrated because our “little girl” is slowly making her exit,
3. Laughing in her face because I’ve been there and to be honest – some of the stuff is just hilarious! And
4. I’m trying to maintain my relationship with her without squashing her cocooning soul.

Part of me is completely enjoying the journey but the other part of me is feeling like a deer in the head lights hoping to not get hit by this vehicle called puberty. She’s amazing, and is graciously taking her strides – but boy oh boy do I feel like I’m clawing at as much information as I can gather to navigate through this next step.

This kid is also in another zone. But her zone isn’t really as dramatic as Aislyn’s one is right now. With her, I feel like I’m getting to know more and more about her every day. She’s crazily determined to achieve certain goals she’s set in front of her (which I completely admire). What I’m finding interesting is that when she may be fearless in some areas – she’s completely needing my protection and covering in others. With her I feel like she’s a flower – some days she’s wide open and staring life in the fullest way, then another day she’s closed up and will only let you in if you delicately approach her and pull back all the guards she’s put up. At times I feel like this is hectically frustrating but on good days, I fist pump the air because I know she isn’t an easy nut to crack and she’s well worth the effort.

I think I’m seeing more of myself in this kid and it’s also a sense of – Ok, I know you’re not your sister. And what worked with her doesn’t work with you. When I reach for the manual to see what to do – the pages are blank and I have to go with what I sense is the best thing for you in that moment. I am enjoying the stretch and the push to pursue her more and understand her. I feel it’s more important to make the effort with her because she’s the middle kid and can so often be left to just fend for herself – which shouldn’t be the case because she’s just as important as everyone else in our little unit.

This guy! If you’ve been following my on instagram, facebook or twitter – you’ll see that we’ve recently had a “ded durb” situation. To say he has “character” would put it mildly. The brother is in the zone to entertain and he loves it. We’re at that really cute stage where he is pulling off something completely mischievous, that wouldn’t normally get massive discipline but when you do tell him he shouldn’t be doing that, then he hangs his head, slumps his shoulders and says, “oh pay mommy, sowie”. Guys! I literally can’t keep it together sometimes. It’s so darn cute!

Ok, here’s another example while I’m typing this out, he has come to my bedroom door, holding his tummy and in his special language proceeds to confess to me (please not it’s 9:30pm), that he ate some chocolate and now his tummy is sore. Please know that I don’t casually allow our kids to have sweets every day – they only have sweets on a Friday and Saturday if there’s a birthday party. But this kid, finds the places – which turned out to be my side table next to my bed #facepalm (but he often gets it right with his grandmother, she lives with us – he can also get my parents to crumble – because he’s that hard to say no to – even for Tim. I’m the only one that seems to get it 80% right) What’s hilarious is that more often than not, when I explain to him why he can’t have or do something he casually accepts it and moves on…….

Ok, back to what just happened. Guys! I’m having my moment here. “Zoning” out while writing this post and this kid pulls that confession in my doorway. I mean, come on!
1. He’s smart because he’s confessed
2. He’s caught me at a time when I can’t discipline him about it because it’s not going to make sense. And
3. He pulled the whole slumped shoulders, hang head, and cute talk thing that’s irresistibly funny. So all I can do is  hold in my giggle and pretend to be firm and take him to bed.

This, is currently my every day situation. I am having to look at him and think, would your sisters have gotten away with this? But then again, would they have done it? and would they have been as honest? Agh, I throw my hands in the air!

Mamma Shaveh
Ya, so how am I doing? I am finding myself again in the aftermath. Oh, please don’t worry your little heads about me – it was a hard thing to discover about myself and where some people will brush this kind of thing aside, it was and still is something pretty huge for me to fumble through. (it has nothing to do with our little nest egg of a family – so we’re good)

I am knuckling down more with the kids and the school work now. I’ve felt that it’s time for us to really get into the swing of doing a little more work and I honestly need to cut back on the outings and stuff. I think that our schedule is manageable but if I’m not careful – by always saying yes to every single play date – it’s cutting into our precious learning time together as a little unit.

I’m looking forward to writing more and sharing more about what we’re dealing with and our plans. A few things are in the pipe line but they’re not major enough to just throw out there quite yet.

So as I close off this “catch up” session – know that we are doing well and looking ahead into the many stories to be shared and thoughts around them.

Welcome back, let’s learn more from each other I say!


I'm a woman finding my way through life as the wife of Tim, the mom to 3 growing kids and trying to maintain some sort of self through it all. I hope you enjoy reading how I journey with my troops through this thing we call life.

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