This week started a little too quickly for me and I haven’t even taken the time to actually just breathe and enjoy a quiet moment alone. Well, here it is – I’m sitting in my car waiting while my 8 year old is having a ballet lesson, my 3 year old is sleeping in the back seat and my 10 year old is in between being “chatty” and peeking over my shoulder to assess what I’m saying about us as a family and possibly her as well……. Let’s be honest – she’s looking to make sure I don’t misrepresent her specifically. Cue eye roll.
It’s this very thing that I want to talk about. You know those moments when your kid is learning to read and it’s all magical because you can see the pieces clicking together in their brain and suddenly – as if by magic – they get it and they start to read. As a homeschooling mom, this has always been a really special moment for me because I like to think I played a main part in the learning process and I’ve unlocked the world for them.
Yes, hold that feeling in your little heart for a second or two….. hold it…… wait a sec……. ok let me just squash it into ‘bugs poop’ for you. I say this because right now – I am annoyed that my kid can read. It grates my nerves when I have little eyes over my shoulder when I’m typing a text message and now, a blog post. I get thoroughly annoyed with their wonderfully inquisitive minds, all wanting to know why I’m organizing certain things and what certain words mean. (I don’t use bad language in general – so I’m relieved they don’t know how to spell those words or ask what they mean)
Don’t get me wrong, I love my inquisitive kids but I can’t stand having to explain myself to them. I know most parents would just brush my kids off and say that it is the way it is and they must just butt out and deal with it. Well, unfortunately for me, I made the decision to be completely honest with my kids and tell them the truth whenever they asked a question.
“why would you do that, Shaveh?” I hear you ask….
I must admit, it’s been exhausting at times because some questions require detailed and in depth explanations – but let me explain why I made this decision. (some of you may disagree with me, and that’s ok. Everyone’s parenting style is different and family appropriate) Here are my reasons why.
- If I tell the truth, they’ll come to me for the truth.
What parent doesn’t want their kid to always come to them with their little problems right? So, I figured that (after reading a few books and getting some knowledge behind this reason) if my kids know that I will tell them the truth consistently then they will know where to come, for the truth. It’s made me the boring cop – in a way – because Tim gets to make all of the jokes and gets to tease – and they immediately run to me and ask, “is that true mom?” – and yes! I am that parent. I spoil the fun and tell the truth if he’s told them, “your eyes are going to turn into squares if you watch too much tv.” Hahahaha.
- They trust my opinion because they’ll know its true.
This, my dear friends is my hope. I’m hoping that in laying this massive foundation of 10 years of being consistently honest and truthful that they would trust me when I disagree with something they’re venturing into. My hope is that eventually as teens they would know that my heart felt intentions are true and not to dig at their “fun”. (which might end up being the case, but at least deep down they’ll “know”)
- It’s helped discipline them because they know I’m “for them.”
This is a blurry lined one. The reason why I say that is because there’s a fine line between the reality of what’s in front of me and what’s inside their little hearts and minds. Let’s be honest, my 3 year old can’t quite get that I’m ‘for him’ right now. Plus my 8 year old is less expressive than my 10 year old and she kind of gives me the “I hate you” stares and that’s ok. But that’s the blur – my 10 year old gets it but I still don’t know what’s in her head and while that sucks as a parent, it’s good or else I might be horrified if I knew exactly what ran through her little mind.
When a discipline moment arrives 9 out of 10 times (especially depending on how I am conducting myself – banshee free) they receive it well and learn from it.
I think it’s when the “Banshee” is executing the discipline, that’s when I get the most “I hate you” stares………
- When I say I don’t know – they know that I really don’t know and I’m not just brushing them aside to suit my situation.
That’s all the reasons that I know that I can muster up for now but there may be others. Some of you may think that this is great and some of you may think I’m bonkers and have too much energy for one person to actually go through life like this.
I know that often the question would be, “what about the magic of the Tooth Fairy? Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny? why rob your children of that experience?” You know what? I absolutely love this question because it brings me straight to what we believe in. We believe in truth and behind each of those amazing magical, imaginative ‘people’ I am able to explain the truth of how it works, the reason why we do it and yet I still swop the money for the tooth under their pillows, the presents still magically arrive on Christmas morning and as much as they know I’m hiding the eggs – they LOVE their Easter egg hunt.
I respect and honor both responses and would really love your feedback because I might just learn a few more tips and tricks to apply now, in the foundation years of my kids lives. It could potentially help us, help them become better people. So dish peeps, share your experience or plans I’d love to learn from you.