Having three kids has proved to be a gentle move from complete chaos to some sense of order – and yet at the same time feeling completely overwhelmed through the whole process. Why overwhelmed? I hear you asking – I bet you’re thinking that it just gets easier as they get older. Well I’d hate to leave you with the illusion that parenting just gets easier once they’re potty trained…… shame – you poor thing. (I say with tears in my eyes)
It’s not like that at all. It’s just a constant change of so many different rules and trains of thought and process. I think that I’ve mentioned something about the whole discipline thing with my three. What I do for the older isn’t the same as I do for my younger one – this is a true story. Yes, they’re very different in temperament but let’s remember the common denominators in this whole parenting process. Tim and I as also changing as well. We’re looking at parenting from so many different angles all of the time and it’s nuts how that can also change as time goes by.
Anyway, let’s lay the whole discipline thing down to rest. I’m wanting to share with you just how I’ve had to start look at my oldest one so differently. Everyday has been a complete revelation of the little adult that is starting to sprout. She pops up every so now and again and in all honestly – I’m freaking out inside. Why? The one thing I really want for my children is that they have the freedom to find themselves really quickly. That I would (as a parent) have the insight and understanding to know when to pry, ask, let alone and just plain hope that she does the ‘right’ thing.
I’d hate for my children to have to walk a looooooong road to discovery because I was holding on too tight or too fiercely. It’s like she’s this magnificent mare or stallion that has be allowed to run freely in our little ranch and now she’s starting to spot that there are the mountains and hills outside of our walls. I’m hoping that God shows us exactly when to open the gate and let her run and when to say, it’s not a good idea and that she would trust us and not see it as an intentional dig at her character.
I know that this is all idealistic and there are no guarantees but a mom can hope right? Anyway, she’s turning 11 this week and that means she’s getting so much closer to being a teenager and my nerves can’t take it and yet at the same time I’m feeling the sense of “bring it on”.
That’s my oldest – who is a lot more open to talking and sharing her little life – so as much as I’m freaking out about her growing up, I turn to my second daughter and I literally see myself. Her cards are so close to her chest and yet she is so flamboyant and out spoken. I remember being like this – loud, out there and seemingly living with my heart on my sleeve – meanwhile, that was just the tip of the iceberg lurking underneath it all.
She, my dear friends – is the one I pray God helps me with the most. We grate each other so much and yet at the same time, I understand her. I’m just waiting for the golden nugget moment when I get the formula to her heart. I don’t even know how to do it for myself, so how the peanuts am I supposed to get it right for her. Jesus, this where You come in (eyes looking up) because there is no way I’m getting this one right on my own.
My son, is just the opposite of everything I expected in a boy and I’m LOVING it – yet at the same time – I’m also a duck on water here. How do apron strings work? when do they start to grow?how dependent do I make him and how much do I push……… ugh #facepalm.
Parenting isn’t a joke. I’m tired. But, I lift my head and keep going!