Roughly this time of year marks a time when we normally ship our oldest daughter off to a church camp. Well, this year – her sister joined her. If you were on the interweb with us when we took our first born to her first camp – you will remember the emotional roller coaster I sent myself on. Shame, that poor ‘First Child Mommy’ that I look back on now was so tense about a lot of small things.
But you know what’s funny? is that as I write that very sentence I’ve just gone through and still am going to go through a whole lot more of the ‘First Child Mommy’ moments that I’ll probably roll my eyes at later.
This is when the ‘Second Child Mommy’ walks in and folds her arms and looks at the ‘First Child Mommy” and says, “get over yourself – there are bigger fish to fry here.”
Anyway, I took my girls to their camp and I really was trying to be aware of how I was feeling about the whole process because the journey was really different to the very first time around.
You see, before this drop off I had to talk to our First born and just gently ask her to express kindness to her sister. I warned her that she would probably be a little clingy and maybe “really annoying” and that as the older sister, she could take this opportunity to exercise self control and “be Jesus” to her sister.
She clutched her head and face and desperately groaned, “but moooooom, why her? Can’t I just leave her alone and ‘be Jesus’ to someone else?”
I immediately responded with a giggle because honestly, it was like looking in the mirror at myself as a preteen. I completely understood her response and that’s when I whispered a little prayer in my heart, asking for wisdom on how to respond without squashing her freedom to feel this way.
I then just said, “where better to try it out – it would be too easy to exercise this with your friends, right?” She then said, “Yes. Ok, I’ll try my best” I then encouraged her and said that if she just got too annoyed – to remain as calm as she could and wait it out. She took the advice and we’ll see how it’s going to go.
Turning my attention to the Second born. She’s like me in so many ways as well and it’s just insanely scary how this is even possible! I mean, COME ON! how many mirrors does a girl need, right?
She is strong, independent, determined, committed and yet so gentle, kind, loving and always in need of a hug. So the emotions I felt when dropping her off at her very first camp were mixed between letting her be her own person and yet, stepping in when she needed me. It was the kind of moment where I felt a slight sense of familiarity, since I had done the drop off before – but I was and still am riddled with thoughts of “did I do enough?” “did she know that I care for her as much as the older one?” “was I too pushy to make the older one care for her?” “should I have had more pep talks with her about what to expect?” etc
MAN!!! What is this? Why does this happen? I know that I’m doing the best that I can and that no matter how much I over analyze anything – I have to rest in the fact that God has them in His plan for them. I’m just a tool.
But dang nabbit, I really want to get an A for this!
With that all said, I am so proud of my girls and I am going to take this weekend to enjoy my son and his “boyness” without them around. After considering those thoughts that I had about the girls – you can only imagine what thoughts I’m processing about my little Champion. Sigh……. they’re all so different and yet it’s all the same.
P.S. There’s also that lingering thought that’s started to whisper in my ear, every time my oldest is away from us – what if she gets her period and you didn’t prepare her with a kit and plus you weren’t there………. #micdrop #anotherpostforanotherday