This seems to be the reason why I’m struggling to get information into this blog of mine. I hear you asking what “this” is and I guess that’s what I’m here to blab about. You see, for the last 12 days, I have been husband-less. As much as I’d love to moan about how hard it is to do life without him around, I always hold myself back because there are soooooooo many single parents out there doing this journey alone. I find I gain increased respect for all of you out there.
I have always found that I get stretched in every possible way with this little lot of mine. I am emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually drained. I don’t pray as much as I do when Tim is away. Most of the time, it’s like this, “please God just help me here”. He’s amazing to give me ideas and words for every situation but I think it’s the constant leaning and turning around and asking that makes it that much harder.
Now, don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind the leaning, because I am dependent on Him daily anyway. But when the leaning requires learning and discerning what every little individual needs, that could potentially shape their little lives forever – it’s hard. I absolutely love that when Tim is here, I can at least give him one or two of the situations to carry in whatever way needed – but when it’s just me – it’s ALL me.
In a nutshell – parenting alone isn’t easy and yet……. and yet – my heart bursts when I look at our tribe. They are amazing and full of nuggets every day. I am proud and filled with awe when I observe their discoveries and personalities.
What is the point of this post? I guess it is to also point out a few things that I have noticed over the last few days, that have helped to solidify certain reasons why we should do things.
- 10 days is definitely our max. EVERY time day 10 comes – I am at my witts end and struggle with at least one of the kids. This time it was Jude – nothing major, he was just really clingy and unnecessary. On a normal day I would have handled it well – but this time I think we had at least 8 ‘time outs’ in the one hour – none of which required any higher form of punishment. More for me to gather my thoughts and try and make sure I wasn’t damaging him for life. #facepalm.
- I am definitely NOT a physical touch “love language” person. 2 of my children are and it’s exhausting to make sure that they are constantly getting hugs and cuddles and are feeling some sense of security – when my love tank is running low because I’m a “words of encouragement” kinda gal. Unfortunately not just anyone can say it….. need my boo for that one – sorry all of ya’ll that just want to pick up a phone and message me.
- Keeping a schedule without the husband is too easy when he’s not here. It’s really easy to become totally selfish and just focused on our little lives. When he gets back – it’s going to be hard to get back into sharing a car and making sure that our calendars don’t clash. (I think this is one of the selfish reasons why I like it when he goes away – don’t judge me)
- Routine, as much as it’s not shared, still has to be strictly in place. Without it the wheels would have, and probably the reason why they did, come off quite a bit over the last two days. Getting relaxed about something and not having a more rigid schedule tends to through the kids out and myself. So weekends are not our thing – weird as it may to say – but nope, we need the every-day-ness.
In a nutshell, the man must come back now. But then there’s the part of me that really feels bad to say that – there are so many parents that don’t have that number 2 to have return. I salute you all – you are soldiers and I look at you completely differently every time I have a “single parent” time, like I’ve just had.