As so many of us are getting ready to close the door on a year that has pretty much, ripped our hearts out and flipped them over and thrown it back in again – I wanted to come on here and just put down my thoughts and gratitude for 2020.
At the end of every year, our family continue with a tradition that we like to call “highlights and low lights”. We do it at every dinner table meal we have at the end of as many days as we are able to. It allows us, as a family to view the world from the eyes of another and to look outside of ourselves and appreciate what another values and has been hurt by. So to culminate the year, we do it at the end of the year as well as a huge summary.
All too often we can assume that our experience is what others are going through and vice versa. We can feel alone and desperate to just scream for help because we think we’re the only ones. So, please take the time to ask your loved ones – what was their highlight for this year and their lowest point. Give them the space to think about it, as you should give yourself the space as well. It’s been a long year, there is a lot to contemplate.
So as you take the time to think – I am going to put down what I am grateful for. Highs and lows – they have all taught me something about others and myself.
- I grateful for the extra family time we got to have because of lockdowns. Yes, I may have been driven mad by my teen, tween and rambunctious 5 year old – but it forced me to really and truly observe them and also dig deeper into my relationship with my husband. This year has made us strong in a way that we can’t even begin to describe.
- I am grateful for simple memories made. No grand gestures – just little things. Cards that were written. Camping outside because we had no where to go. Home made sushi in bed. Constant snuggles with phrases like, “I love you so much”. Flopped meals we tried out. Frustrated schooling moments we pushed through. Talks, soooooo many talks – morality, self control, considerations, sharing our life lessons, heart to hearts, fears and victories.
- I am grateful for opportunities I grabbed with both hands. I did zoom classes. I did a little modelling. I put myself out there in ways I was too lazy to do before. Built relationships online that I would normally ignore. Connected with friends over phone calls that would never have happened before lockdown. I went hiking! more than once and enjoyed it – which breaks my heart in a way because the best hiker I wanted to go with, just passed away. But! I will do a hike he would have done and take pics and celebrate the moments without him here – just because!
- I am grateful for a heightened appreciation for relationships. Not just my marriage, or with family members but also with church community and online friends. We really need each other – without a lot of those around me I think I would have gone mad. Plus, I haven’t prayed more for other people this year, than I’ve ever done in my whole life. I guess I can say my relationship with the Lord has also gone deeper because of this year. I’ve also realised, to take pictures of the ones you love – they can be gone in an instant and you can’t get the memories back on record. I am truly grateful for a phone that I can do that with.
- There are so many, but I’m going to stop at this one. So, lastly – I am grateful for the life I breathe to be able to look back and be grateful, and then to be able to look forward into 2021 with an added grit and determination to do what needs to be done. Fight where I need to, show up where I’m supposed to and give everything I’ve got.
Its this last one that I’m feeling I’m wanting to end with and explain why I feel this way. You know, 2020 has left us exhausted, emotionally – spiritually – physically and mentally. But! if there’s anything I’ve learned from being an athlete or from going for something I know is meant to be mine – I can’t give up. I can take the breather, take stock and assess my weaknesses and strengths. Pick up what I know I can carry and get ready to run to the next “checkpoint”.
I don’t know about you, but that’s what I’m feeling about 2021 – I almost want to say to it, “bring it on! I’m ready!” because from what we’ve faced in 2020, there’s only strength to gain. Only more resilience. Only more fire. Only greater connections. And when it gets tough – I will reach out, grab at the friendships, relationships and community that is there and recharge. I’m here for a purpose, firstly to “be” a child of God well, be an amazing friend and wife, parent our three humans through their seasons and pursue the desires and callings placed in my being to accomplish.
If I could chest bump and slap a butt I would. I’m roaring inside – shouting with a rage from deep down because I am strong, even in my weakest moments because I know who holds my hand and who’s walking me through it. COME ONE 2021!!!