A few weeks ago I wrote about my relationship with my oldest daughter, and it’s amazing how many moms reached out and shared their stories with their “older” kids. One thing I have heard from all of them is that – they will always be your kids, no matter how old they become. Plus, there’s definitely a natural pull to doing things their way and better than you.
Before I begin this post, I should actually send a little shout out to my friend Luchae from “My Spreadsheet Brain”. The last 3 posts have been completely motivated by her and her love for the written word. She challenged some of us mommies to a few blog posts over the last and coming few weeks – and needless to say – it’s really motivated me and got my writing butt back into gear. If you haven’t seen her work then do yourself a favour – she is easy to read and what she talks about, we’re all thinking about. (she doesn’t know it, but I’ve been reading her site for about 6 years now)
Hello lovely human beings – let’s grow. As an upfront disclaimer, prepare yourself for some hard talk. Right now we have to not care if we completely loath the way we look, or what we feel like in our own bodies – I’m of the opinion that once we became parents, there’s certain parts of us that aren’t about us anymore. In fact, not just certain parts – a lot of parts, because in order to raise the next generation well – we have to lead by example. (but, if this does trigger you, please look into those feelings and talk to someone. It can only make you grow and become a fuller and more healed human being)
Ok, so like I said – let’s put on our big people underwear but I’m not saying that our insecurities aren’t valid and our history is null and void, and that we have to have it completely together. No darling, dish about that stuff with your adult friends. But what I am saying is that we have to become so much more aware of how we envelope our “stuff” around our little humans.
I remember being a new parent – when we got pregnant for the first time and honestly, I thought I had it all worked out. Read the books, apply the techniques and all should be well. Right? Don’t sit there and pretend like you haven’t thought that at least once – parent or not – we’ve all been through that phase of “I could do that, what’s the big deal? It can’t be that hard”
Honestly, with our first little human – I thought I had it waxed. The kid did well with the techniques we applied and we’ve enjoyed every bit of the journey. Why am I writing this part first, you may ask – well after having that sense of “we’ve got this” all of these years, laying the foundations and relationship building blocks there after – I am now at a place of “what the heck?”
I can’t even begin to explain how immensely proud I am to announce the celebration of our Iraina! Every time I get to this point in the year, I am in awe of how much growth, maturity, intelligence, strength, grace, confidence, beauty and so much more – that this precious human has acquired. I know that this is a blog post containing a lot of words, but once you know her – you know that there is no bottling her up or containing within sentences and phrases.
(as a disclaimer to those reading – I like to write these birthday posts as a letters to my children for them to read when they’re older – so I’m switching modes)
And just like that, the series is coming to a close. But obviously, the last episode has to include my own story. I wouldn’t know how to introduce myself without tooting my own horn – which is something I know I can do quite well if you give me the platform.
But in a nutshell I am a Zimbabwean coloured girl that moved to Cape Town when I was 18 to study and fell in love with the city and most importantly the man I fondly call my team mate – Timothy. Our journey spans over 20 years together but if I take him out of the story there’s a kaliedescope of life lessons, massive cat fights and insecurities that I never knew lay under the surface of my extroverted, seemingly secure, exterior.
Welcome back to our awesome series. Hasn’t it been good? These women amaze me with their generosity and willingness to share. This is what we call sisterhood and learning from each other, for real. Today’s mom is a woman I have known for a long time as well. Whenever she walks in the room or is close by, you literally inhale natural goodness. It was the thing that fascinated me from the get go. I had to know why she smelled so wonderful – and not in a “gucci” way. It was like being next to the biggest rose or flower garden.
We met in our homeschooling environments. You see, this mom is also a homeschooling mom and when we started around 10 years ago, being brown and doing this homeschool journey wasn’t as common as it is now. Sadly the homeschooling world was filled with more of our fairer community and it wasn’t often that you got to meet someone from our races doing this.
Have you ever met someone and just know that this person is “my kind of people”? Well, this next Mom could literally have been cut out of my heart and soul and put into another human. I literally resonate every time I read or talk to her about something.
She has a generous, gentleness about her and yet she’s spunky and confident about where she’s at in her journey and her own person. She also exudes parental wisdom like a life giving spring. We too, met at a “blogger event” and I immediately did the same thing I did with Nicole from our previous episode – I trolled her like a hopeless teenager because she was so darn interesting. #fangirl
I don’t know about you, but I am really enjoying this series and part of me kind of wishes I could ‘binge read’ it…. Right? But, good things come to those who patiently scroll and ingest in stages.
If you’ve ever met me in real life, I have probably got into your bubble and asked a really personal question and got to know you quite quickly – do I remember your name? uhm, I can try to do it, but I have to talk to you longer than 4 minutes to really get it squared away in my mental files. The mom that I’m about to swing the doors open on today was at an event that I went to and she turned out to be a fantastic companion beside me, about 2 years ago (yoh! I can’t believe how time has flown) – and her name stuck because she is such a peaceful soul.
Before I introduce the first mom that has taken the time to share her story, I want to give a little back story about her and how I came to get to know her so that you guys can feel like you’re part of our friendship.
I remember attending a wedding in 2006 (I think) and there was this bottle blond bombshell of a young lady sitting at the back of the church while the rehearsal was happening. My hubby was playing at the wedding and as it turned out, the bride is a mutual friend of ours. She was (then) the bestmans’ girlfriend.
The one thing that stood out about her was her mellow confidence. She has a gentle beauty that obviously caught the eye of her then boyfriend and now husband.
Throughout the coming years we had occasional interactions – nothing major – but I remember we were at said mutual friend’s house for a birthday party and my oldest was attending and my second princess was a little person. This mom had just had her first princess and was in that “fog” that we all go through – ‘bone tired and just making it through the day’ stage. We compared notes and had fantastic heart to heart mommy conversations – now this was the interaction that I think describes her to a T – transparent, real and nothing hidden, in the best way possible.
I don’t know about you – but I love learning from a person like that.